oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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