First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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