handjob tips. give me some.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
