...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
