I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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