About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
