Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
