I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
