Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
