K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
