I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
