yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
