I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
