I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
