the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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