Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
