They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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