you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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