he wants to bone in the snuggie
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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