When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
