she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
