the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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