I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
