I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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