Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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