Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
