I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
