Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
