so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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