The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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