i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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