His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
