Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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