I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
