Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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