porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
