If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
