I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
