I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
