I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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