Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
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I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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