yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
