you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
