But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
