from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
