if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Who died my cat blue again?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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