i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
