Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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