I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
