Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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