perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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