I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
