i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Randomize
