He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I want is dick and wine.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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