I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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