I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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