my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
