So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They took my balls.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
