I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
