Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
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Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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