I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my being single is dangerous.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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