I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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