I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize