am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
