I'm lost and stupid without you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
