The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
