I want you more than these girls want KFC
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
