there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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