Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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