porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
