In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
